It's been quite a very long time since I wrote in here. Can't blame you if you stopped reading. I would. I have, actually. School and life climbed up my leg and wrapped their arms around me... and I've been polka-ing with the dynamic duo non-stop since October.
I get up before 7am most days, though I've been able to sleep in a little on the weekends lately. I have been working part time(I recently went down to per-diem)and now have weekends off, which is lovely!
I'm still in school full time. I've started my first clinical rotation in school, I am doing primary care at a university health clinic one day a week along with that. I've been doing some RA hours also and hopefully am close to submitting a manuscript to some places for publication. I'm gearing up for my first rejections shortly to follow.
I do my best to get my work done during the day -- which usually involves lots of typing. In the evening I try and put it away if I can. If I can't I end up writing my never ending papers and intermittently doing things like this, or checking my email. Mostly, at the end of the day I want to put on play clothes and go for a long walk in the fading sun. After which, I'm usually interested in a nice supper followed by some reading (lately by the fireplace) before I turn in and go to sleep in preparation for another early day.
This is boring. I've become boring. Welcome to my boring life!
Naaaaw.
I isn't boring.
Shush, you!
Other updates... my breast reduction went well. I'm well into healing. The scars are fading well, but I can still see them. My back has been gradually improving since, which has been wonderful. I'm still dating the same woman I started crushing on around this time last year. She's at an all-girl punk rock concert at the moment. I had midterm writing to do, so I stayed home. See how wisely I use my time? Communication with my folks is better than it has been in quite some times and, this year, may even progress to the exchange of birthday cards. Things on that front have been rocky at times, I rarely know where things stand but for a few weeks things have been good. So that's good.
Things with the ex haven't changed. We don't see each other except to exchange the dog, which has become a point of contention. She wants me to take the dog full-time now. I agreed to do it, I'd love to do it. I need to move to do it... and I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I'm gone long hours. I feel guilty because the ex has a family that wants her who I think would make a great home for her. I feel guilty for being willing to give my dog away. I feel guilty for wanting to keep her. I feel guilty either way. Also, there's the part where she used to belong to my parents and, if I give her away, I feel like I ought to ask them if they want her back first -- only I don't want her to go there.
Those things.
Plus, Kel's gravy is good gravy!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Blustery wind and brisk fall leaves
Just got back from a bit of a too-short camping trip.
There's something about a glorious fall day that lifts up my heart and makes me feel like singing. I spent the weekend bundled up, drinking hot coffee on the porch, playing with friends, warming myself in front of blazing wood fires, kayaking and eating good food. The thing about camping is that food and sleep are always the most glorious for me when I top them off with some brisk cold air.
I can't even begin to do justice to a description of the Adirondacks this time of year, but I'll try: The fall leaves are out, though it is a tad late in the season for their full glory. There were fall rain showers in the late night and early morning, wind whipping up the color on our cheeks and fluttering gold and crimson fall leaves. The smell of earth and wood smoke and rain... the sounds of laugher carried on the wind. Rustic cabins with wood stoves and old farm tables for the gathering of family and friends by lamp light.
A trip with that many people can be a bear if the right mix isn't there -- but everyone was lovely and harmonious, as if they'd been hand picked. Which I suppose they were. Group time, alone time, pie-iron time and god-bless-america, pretty walk time.
I had many firsts. A first pie-iron sandwich, a naming, a first time seeing the quaint homestead and the broad porch worn smooth with the boots of friends. A first time to the island, a first pretty walk, and the first night in too many years where the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes were more stars than I could count or name.
On my last day, I paddled out to the island in the lake. I had the whole thing to myself and I sat in a sheltered niche on a bed of soft pine needles and painted a picture. It was the first time in a long time I'd felt that feeling of connecting to my joy in earthliness -- the seasons and of nature -- through my eyes and hands. The wind was cold enough so that I wore gloves, but it blew the rain and clouds from earlier in the day away. The sky became that cloudless lilac color unique to cold fall days. Across the lake the shore was punctuated by brilliant fall colors interspersed with the deep wisened green of the pines; colors that popped against the bright fall sky. I drew a picture of it, which was profound for me. It made me feel both content and happy, and also made me tear up for the loneliness I've carried in abandoning that connection for so long and for the sweet tender feeling it drew up in me to go back to that place.
Ever sat in a pile of cushy pine needles alone on an island watching the fall breathe around you? It's magic and profound, and I am grateful.
There's something about a glorious fall day that lifts up my heart and makes me feel like singing. I spent the weekend bundled up, drinking hot coffee on the porch, playing with friends, warming myself in front of blazing wood fires, kayaking and eating good food. The thing about camping is that food and sleep are always the most glorious for me when I top them off with some brisk cold air.
I can't even begin to do justice to a description of the Adirondacks this time of year, but I'll try: The fall leaves are out, though it is a tad late in the season for their full glory. There were fall rain showers in the late night and early morning, wind whipping up the color on our cheeks and fluttering gold and crimson fall leaves. The smell of earth and wood smoke and rain... the sounds of laugher carried on the wind. Rustic cabins with wood stoves and old farm tables for the gathering of family and friends by lamp light.
A trip with that many people can be a bear if the right mix isn't there -- but everyone was lovely and harmonious, as if they'd been hand picked. Which I suppose they were. Group time, alone time, pie-iron time and god-bless-america, pretty walk time.
I had many firsts. A first pie-iron sandwich, a naming, a first time seeing the quaint homestead and the broad porch worn smooth with the boots of friends. A first time to the island, a first pretty walk, and the first night in too many years where the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes were more stars than I could count or name.
On my last day, I paddled out to the island in the lake. I had the whole thing to myself and I sat in a sheltered niche on a bed of soft pine needles and painted a picture. It was the first time in a long time I'd felt that feeling of connecting to my joy in earthliness -- the seasons and of nature -- through my eyes and hands. The wind was cold enough so that I wore gloves, but it blew the rain and clouds from earlier in the day away. The sky became that cloudless lilac color unique to cold fall days. Across the lake the shore was punctuated by brilliant fall colors interspersed with the deep wisened green of the pines; colors that popped against the bright fall sky. I drew a picture of it, which was profound for me. It made me feel both content and happy, and also made me tear up for the loneliness I've carried in abandoning that connection for so long and for the sweet tender feeling it drew up in me to go back to that place.
Ever sat in a pile of cushy pine needles alone on an island watching the fall breathe around you? It's magic and profound, and I am grateful.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Existental Ponderings
I haven't written in a bit. I'm still alive. I promise.
The general update is that I had some surgery, which turned out fine. I am doing well, recovery has had some bumps but things are looking good. Also, school started up again this week. Turns out school requires lots of reading and Quals are coming up for me this summer (it gives me agita just thinking about it). These days I am in a place of self inquiry. Sometimes I feel close to the core of myself and other times my life just confuses me and I don't know where I am or what I am doing. Even though sometimes I just want clarity, and ease... I know. I know that life is not meant to be clear or easy... that is beside the point. It is the journey we are meant to savor and enjoy. So I am savoring and enjoying it. One day at a time.
Anyway, that's enough of my existential pondering for now.
I wrote a poem last week. For what its worth, here it is:
The Dance.
The persimmon sun sits heavy on the horizon;
Slides down the darkening sky to the slate blue water below.
I came to be with.
With you, with them, with myself;
To dance together here at the edge of the water, beneath the setting sun.
The general update is that I had some surgery, which turned out fine. I am doing well, recovery has had some bumps but things are looking good. Also, school started up again this week. Turns out school requires lots of reading and Quals are coming up for me this summer (it gives me agita just thinking about it). These days I am in a place of self inquiry. Sometimes I feel close to the core of myself and other times my life just confuses me and I don't know where I am or what I am doing. Even though sometimes I just want clarity, and ease... I know. I know that life is not meant to be clear or easy... that is beside the point. It is the journey we are meant to savor and enjoy. So I am savoring and enjoying it. One day at a time.
Anyway, that's enough of my existential pondering for now.
I wrote a poem last week. For what its worth, here it is:
The Dance.
The persimmon sun sits heavy on the horizon;
Slides down the darkening sky to the slate blue water below.
I came to be with.
With you, with them, with myself;
To dance together here at the edge of the water, beneath the setting sun.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Life is rich
I spent Saturday at my first ever renaissance faire <--spelled with an 'e'), which they now call a festival... which I don't understand since everybody knows that every renaissance thingy is exponentially better when words end in an 'e' or have a random 'y' substituted for an 'i'.
Hmmmm.
It makes me wonder if 'womyn' has some sort of renaissance faire-type association. Wouldn't surprise me... of course all the lesbians I know from the 'womyn' era are kinda fantastically hippy, and the folks there were dressed in poofy hemp skirts too, so it makes sense.
The day was, by the way, just... grand. Shall I describe it to you? Of course I shall! I was kind of worried about the day at the beginning, actually. It's funny, 'cos it turned out so pleasant!
Saturday Morning:
I was running late to get at our meeting place at 10am *sharp*. I had forgotten about the annual frat-boy beer drinking festival that crosses the road I take to get there. As luck would have it, there were police traffic folks and I was only 5 minutes late (praise the goddess) because...
-- insert foreboding music and dimming of lights here --
I arrived to a cloud of gloom. Oy! Grumpy and grumpier were acting out a comedy of caffeine withdrawal and cat-puke despair. Everybody was late. No one was speaking to each other. No one had eaten. Someone had tracked cat puke onto the rug. Eeeeeek!
Luckily the late folks arrived just in time to diffuse the situation before the black hole of despair consumed us all (plus they wanted to stop and get coffee, so everyone was happy).
Soon we were underway, there was even low giggling and sharing of foodstuffs.
Saturday Afternoon:
We arrived to a reminder that mother nature is the boss of us.
A tumultuous thunderstorm crashed down upon us the moment we pulled into the parking lot. There were five of us in the car and mama nature was hurling huge thumb-sized drops of rain at us. Hard! There was lightning and thunder and only one of us had an umbrella! We were stuck, all five of us, in a vehicle parked in a big mud puddle muttering "it'll blow over" like a mantra under our breaths... when Madonna spoke to us through the speakers.
So.
With approximately 4 minutes to save the world (or so they say), the group of tightly packed bodies spontaneously busted a move. Which is difficult in a Saturn sedan, but I am here to say is quite possible.
Anyway, apparently the simultaneous show of optimism pleased the universe, because the rain lilted into a soft mist, everyone was happy and laughing and the day picked up the black cloud that had been floating over her and decided to wear it as a cape!
There were folks in renaissance era garb, folks wearing rugs as skirts in an attempt to mimic renaissance era garb, a hilarious man on stilts in a horse costume and a fabulous acrobatic woman in green tights with the moon phases tattooed on her back. There may or may not have been a significant consumption of ale from plastic cups. The pulled-pork pita was both memorable and delicious, as was the intense lady who pulls sound out of her drum. There was the hippy couple that plays the lute and sings "bring us in good ale, good ale/bring us in good ale! Pour a cup for the lady's sake, and bring us in good ale!"and the fried bread with cherries on top, and a woodcut of a stag and a raven and a mermaid. Those things, with a backdrop of cool air and twitters of sunshine and mist and old friends laughing together.
Saturday Evening:
The very best part of the day though, for me, was the short trip afterward to the bluffs.
The gentle field with wisps of tall grasses and prairie flowers like on little house on the prairie plunged suddenly into the soft insistent grey of Lake Ontario, with a sun like a brandy-soaked peach on fire behind it. There was this peninsula-like outcropping that apparently a person used to be able to walk out onto. It was called 'the spine' and had eroded into flesh colored rivulets of earth descending toward the water. It looked like an old woman with pendulous breasts washing her hair in the ocean to me.
I laid there looking at the water and the clouds back lit by that intensely orange sun and the grey-blue sky while friends tossed stones down the cliff trying to make them into the water and talked... and then a few of us walked down to the water to skip stones and feel Ms. Ontario lap at our toes. There was an alone-together sort of moment down by the water, where three women skipped stones on the soft grey surface of the waves, and then we went in. Yep. I met a personal goal. I took my ginormous soon-to-be-smaller breasts for their last skinny-dip. The water was soft and the waves huge and body-lifting and just warm enough to be exhilarating without being freezing. And the best part was that, with hoots and hollers and laughter and glee, each of us peeled back a layer and just... were. It felt really *really* good.
Have you ever had the chance to see a glimpse of joy in the face of people you'd really like to see happy? Take them skinny dipping at the bluffs. Seriously. Life is too short not to.
Hmmmm.
It makes me wonder if 'womyn' has some sort of renaissance faire-type association. Wouldn't surprise me... of course all the lesbians I know from the 'womyn' era are kinda fantastically hippy, and the folks there were dressed in poofy hemp skirts too, so it makes sense.
The day was, by the way, just... grand. Shall I describe it to you? Of course I shall! I was kind of worried about the day at the beginning, actually. It's funny, 'cos it turned out so pleasant!
Saturday Morning:
I was running late to get at our meeting place at 10am *sharp*. I had forgotten about the annual frat-boy beer drinking festival that crosses the road I take to get there. As luck would have it, there were police traffic folks and I was only 5 minutes late (praise the goddess) because...
-- insert foreboding music and dimming of lights here --
I arrived to a cloud of gloom. Oy! Grumpy and grumpier were acting out a comedy of caffeine withdrawal and cat-puke despair. Everybody was late. No one was speaking to each other. No one had eaten. Someone had tracked cat puke onto the rug. Eeeeeek!
Luckily the late folks arrived just in time to diffuse the situation before the black hole of despair consumed us all (plus they wanted to stop and get coffee, so everyone was happy).
Soon we were underway, there was even low giggling and sharing of foodstuffs.
Saturday Afternoon:
We arrived to a reminder that mother nature is the boss of us.
A tumultuous thunderstorm crashed down upon us the moment we pulled into the parking lot. There were five of us in the car and mama nature was hurling huge thumb-sized drops of rain at us. Hard! There was lightning and thunder and only one of us had an umbrella! We were stuck, all five of us, in a vehicle parked in a big mud puddle muttering "it'll blow over" like a mantra under our breaths... when Madonna spoke to us through the speakers.
So.
With approximately 4 minutes to save the world (or so they say), the group of tightly packed bodies spontaneously busted a move. Which is difficult in a Saturn sedan, but I am here to say is quite possible.
Anyway, apparently the simultaneous show of optimism pleased the universe, because the rain lilted into a soft mist, everyone was happy and laughing and the day picked up the black cloud that had been floating over her and decided to wear it as a cape!
There were folks in renaissance era garb, folks wearing rugs as skirts in an attempt to mimic renaissance era garb, a hilarious man on stilts in a horse costume and a fabulous acrobatic woman in green tights with the moon phases tattooed on her back. There may or may not have been a significant consumption of ale from plastic cups. The pulled-pork pita was both memorable and delicious, as was the intense lady who pulls sound out of her drum. There was the hippy couple that plays the lute and sings "bring us in good ale, good ale/bring us in good ale! Pour a cup for the lady's sake, and bring us in good ale!"and the fried bread with cherries on top, and a woodcut of a stag and a raven and a mermaid. Those things, with a backdrop of cool air and twitters of sunshine and mist and old friends laughing together.
Saturday Evening:
The very best part of the day though, for me, was the short trip afterward to the bluffs.
The gentle field with wisps of tall grasses and prairie flowers like on little house on the prairie plunged suddenly into the soft insistent grey of Lake Ontario, with a sun like a brandy-soaked peach on fire behind it. There was this peninsula-like outcropping that apparently a person used to be able to walk out onto. It was called 'the spine' and had eroded into flesh colored rivulets of earth descending toward the water. It looked like an old woman with pendulous breasts washing her hair in the ocean to me.
I laid there looking at the water and the clouds back lit by that intensely orange sun and the grey-blue sky while friends tossed stones down the cliff trying to make them into the water and talked... and then a few of us walked down to the water to skip stones and feel Ms. Ontario lap at our toes. There was an alone-together sort of moment down by the water, where three women skipped stones on the soft grey surface of the waves, and then we went in. Yep. I met a personal goal. I took my ginormous soon-to-be-smaller breasts for their last skinny-dip. The water was soft and the waves huge and body-lifting and just warm enough to be exhilarating without being freezing. And the best part was that, with hoots and hollers and laughter and glee, each of us peeled back a layer and just... were. It felt really *really* good.
Have you ever had the chance to see a glimpse of joy in the face of people you'd really like to see happy? Take them skinny dipping at the bluffs. Seriously. Life is too short not to.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
My feelings got hurted.
Can I trade in my girly tender feelings for some f*cking suspenders or a bendy straw or something utilitarian that could *help* me in my life every little once in a while!?
Ugh.
Ugh.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Are you going to a ball, are you going to a party...
Fancy Pants?
Lyrics and music credit: Awesome Kelly
It makes me giggle.
Fancy Pants is, yet again, the subject of a song. Can anyone be blamed for the fact that her cuteness inspires music? I blame Pants. She *is* the cutiest, after all.
The sun is shining. I desire to walk in it; to open my gait and let myself relax into the swing of legs from hip. My back has been begging for walking. Sore and strained it yearns for it, and I must listen and answer.
This evening. This evening I shall take Fancy Pants.
-------------------------------------------------
Later in the evening, the errant blogger returns!
-------------------------------------------------
I met some friends tonight to watch Shakespeare in the park. It's free and they put it on walking distance from my house (and the weather was fab)! Unfortunately one of the microphones on the characters went kerplewey midway through the first act. Incidentally, the play was As You Like It. Kerplewey microphone belonged to Orlando ...so the whole play got confusing. I was lost anyway, but maybe it was just me. Don't think so though, 'cos we all left during intermission and went to my house and then on a night hike!
I heart me a good night hike and tonight did not dissapoint.
It was gorgeous and clear and temperate with a nearly full moon and a clear sky - just windy enough so the bugs didn't bite but warm enough to walk in shorts and a t-shirt. We went to the park and through the woods how I like to go, and then up into the Colgate Divinity School campus.
They have a hill there where you can see the tree line and the sky all wide and unfolding against the edges of the universe. I like to imagine contemplative monks or nuns taking in the night sky with wonder, just like I do.
It's the second time I've been to that spot this summer. The place always seems a little magic and a little lonely to me. It was lovely to see the view again. While my friends snuck off to find a divine corner to spoon in, I laid there and pet my dog and watched the sky, stark and clear and somehow both large and small and together and alone all at once. I imagined the unfolding of the universe and wondered what lies in store for me? Where are my feet are leading me these days? What will unfold?
I didn't arrive at any answers, but I could swear the lady in the moon winked at me.
Lyrics and music credit: Awesome Kelly
It makes me giggle.
Fancy Pants is, yet again, the subject of a song. Can anyone be blamed for the fact that her cuteness inspires music? I blame Pants. She *is* the cutiest, after all.
The sun is shining. I desire to walk in it; to open my gait and let myself relax into the swing of legs from hip. My back has been begging for walking. Sore and strained it yearns for it, and I must listen and answer.
This evening. This evening I shall take Fancy Pants.
-------------------------------------------------
Later in the evening, the errant blogger returns!
-------------------------------------------------
I met some friends tonight to watch Shakespeare in the park. It's free and they put it on walking distance from my house (and the weather was fab)! Unfortunately one of the microphones on the characters went kerplewey midway through the first act. Incidentally, the play was As You Like It. Kerplewey microphone belonged to Orlando ...so the whole play got confusing. I was lost anyway, but maybe it was just me. Don't think so though, 'cos we all left during intermission and went to my house and then on a night hike!
I heart me a good night hike and tonight did not dissapoint.
It was gorgeous and clear and temperate with a nearly full moon and a clear sky - just windy enough so the bugs didn't bite but warm enough to walk in shorts and a t-shirt. We went to the park and through the woods how I like to go, and then up into the Colgate Divinity School campus.
They have a hill there where you can see the tree line and the sky all wide and unfolding against the edges of the universe. I like to imagine contemplative monks or nuns taking in the night sky with wonder, just like I do.
It's the second time I've been to that spot this summer. The place always seems a little magic and a little lonely to me. It was lovely to see the view again. While my friends snuck off to find a divine corner to spoon in, I laid there and pet my dog and watched the sky, stark and clear and somehow both large and small and together and alone all at once. I imagined the unfolding of the universe and wondered what lies in store for me? Where are my feet are leading me these days? What will unfold?
I didn't arrive at any answers, but I could swear the lady in the moon winked at me.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Moving soil
I spent Sunday with my hands in the earth. It felt good, although it was someone else's garden. As I toiled -- sun shining, hands in the dirt, pulling weeds, sweating and moving soil -- I missed my old garden deeply. That hole pops up now and again, murky and deep and filled with a quiet ferocity.
There were three bright green, red-eyed grasshoppers hiding on a leaf in the garden. They appeared as if they had absorbed the sun and were illuminated from within. Translucent and glowing, they held the points of their protective triangle against the world. Their tiny delicate green bodies marked with thin red racing stripes and wide red oval-eyes that held secrets, secrets my heart longs for.
Tell me little green grasshopper. Tell me the secret of absorbing the rays of sun and glowing from within?
There were three bright green, red-eyed grasshoppers hiding on a leaf in the garden. They appeared as if they had absorbed the sun and were illuminated from within. Translucent and glowing, they held the points of their protective triangle against the world. Their tiny delicate green bodies marked with thin red racing stripes and wide red oval-eyes that held secrets, secrets my heart longs for.
Tell me little green grasshopper. Tell me the secret of absorbing the rays of sun and glowing from within?
Monday, June 16, 2008
So, anyway...
Updatey-ness.
I decided to go ahead and apply to midwifery school. I have one recommendation lined up and will ask the midwife I am meeting for lunch next week for one a well. I am not sure who to ask the third one for, there are other midwives and I could do that. The one who went to the program I'm applying to lives out of the country now, but we're in touch by email, so I may ask her. It's a kind of wait and see sort of situation.
My co-workers and the midwives I've spoken with are very encouraging. My friends less so. The PhD is what I would be giving up, and I get the encouragement to see it through and love 'em for it. I haven't totally trashed the idea of the PhD yet... I just *want*. I want to try; need to, I think.
On the me front: I have been doing a lot of nurturing lately. Its both easy and difficult. It is easy because it is so organic and comes from my heart. It is difficult because it tests parts of me. I get frustrated at the part of me that tends to do this at the expense of my own feelings. At times, I even find myself wondering if it is healthy for me. I feel bad about that, and I think it is based in fear rather than logic... because the nurturing I'm doing? It is both necessary and worthwhile. I just feel tender? Scared of over-extending myself yet again, of not having enough left over to bounce back or to take care of myself. It seems like a part of me is always waiting for the need to bounce back. Never trusting in the safety net or in being nurtured in return. Its a disease, really and I wonder how it will sneak up to perform sabotage, espionage or decoupage on my psyche next. Oy. I think I'm premenstrual.
That's all for now.
I decided to go ahead and apply to midwifery school. I have one recommendation lined up and will ask the midwife I am meeting for lunch next week for one a well. I am not sure who to ask the third one for, there are other midwives and I could do that. The one who went to the program I'm applying to lives out of the country now, but we're in touch by email, so I may ask her. It's a kind of wait and see sort of situation.
My co-workers and the midwives I've spoken with are very encouraging. My friends less so. The PhD is what I would be giving up, and I get the encouragement to see it through and love 'em for it. I haven't totally trashed the idea of the PhD yet... I just *want*. I want to try; need to, I think.
On the me front: I have been doing a lot of nurturing lately. Its both easy and difficult. It is easy because it is so organic and comes from my heart. It is difficult because it tests parts of me. I get frustrated at the part of me that tends to do this at the expense of my own feelings. At times, I even find myself wondering if it is healthy for me. I feel bad about that, and I think it is based in fear rather than logic... because the nurturing I'm doing? It is both necessary and worthwhile. I just feel tender? Scared of over-extending myself yet again, of not having enough left over to bounce back or to take care of myself. It seems like a part of me is always waiting for the need to bounce back. Never trusting in the safety net or in being nurtured in return. Its a disease, really and I wonder how it will sneak up to perform sabotage, espionage or decoupage on my psyche next. Oy. I think I'm premenstrual.
That's all for now.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Heat
It's been hot. My brain melted.
Heat
Has a weight and shape
Humid and unrepentant
She runs her hot hands down my
Sweat-slicked sides
Slips and grabs and growls
Hot breath on the back of my neck.
Heavy-lidded she flutters
On the ceiling next to the fan
Blowing and gathering
To watching the small trickle of
Sweat emerge from under my breast
To memorize its meandering path
To the sheets.
Heat
Has a weight and shape
Humid and unrepentant
She runs her hot hands down my
Sweat-slicked sides
Slips and grabs and growls
Hot breath on the back of my neck.
Heavy-lidded she flutters
On the ceiling next to the fan
Blowing and gathering
To watching the small trickle of
Sweat emerge from under my breast
To memorize its meandering path
To the sheets.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Summer sky, lilac and birthday update.
May started cool and rainy and took a long time warming. Recently, I have felt summer begin to sing to me. The night sky in the summer always seems to fill me with a sense of being a part of things. I had that feeling the other night. On this particular night, the sky was filled with stars and stolen kisses, the light of a loan firefly and the occasional passing car. The air was warm enough for shorts and cool enough for leaning and filled with the soft sounds of friends gathering to build a fire -- bellies filled with laughter and tandori chicken kabobs, slowly kooked over the fire with love.
Also. I am a bad, bad blogger. I have not updated y'all about my birthday or life in general in a while now. I forget, sometimes that people read this thing.
Eeep.
My birthday was both amazing and wonderful (and I am sorry I didn't write to update folks about it earlier). Kelly came! I ate Alaskan king salmon! The sun shone the whole day and I felt very peaceful and generally happy despite having been so disappointed-y earlier. I made plans to go to Maria's for dinner and grill, walked in the park and at sometime in the afternoon a certain surprising, enterprising and very dear woman surprised me by calling to tell me that she was coming to visit after all! The trip was monumental in that it required a 5 hour drive each way, it took place *immediately* following her last final exam in a grueling week of final exams *and* she was only able to stay for 24 hours. Needless to say, I was surprised and delighted (and very thrilled) that she was able to come and it totally totally made my day. Kelly arrived around 6:30pm and then we went over to Maria's. Maria let me grill on her Webber grill (!). We had fresh caught Alaskan king salmon with a lemon, dill and brown sugar glaze, grilled red and yellow peppers, salad and maria made a citrus-berry mousse. I made some sugar and apple brandy coated strawberries for the top of a store-bought cheese cake (which I forsook for Maria's amazing dessert). We used the strawberries on top of the mousse. It was fantastic! The rest of the 24 hours was also fantastic and very memorable, but the only thing that I recall about that is blog-able is a walk through the flower-heavy and fragrant lilac blossoms in the park. The lilacs were amazing this year - full and heavy and all blooming at once. The park is amazing when the lilacs are in bloom and it feels like the sort of place one might come across a silver unicorn named Indigo nibbling lilacs under the moon.
Also. I spent a lot of this month contemplating school. I have decided to apply to midwifery school. It is a shot to do the kind of care I want, and it is an option I feel I need to give myself. I am not sure yet what I will decide, but life is short and I want to provide health care for women and while I am here walking in my own skin, I think that maybe, maybe I deserve to reach toward something I really want.
I have more to update about this month... and I shall (I swear it!). For now, though, time is running thin and I must run.
Also. I am a bad, bad blogger. I have not updated y'all about my birthday or life in general in a while now. I forget, sometimes that people read this thing.
Eeep.
My birthday was both amazing and wonderful (and I am sorry I didn't write to update folks about it earlier). Kelly came! I ate Alaskan king salmon! The sun shone the whole day and I felt very peaceful and generally happy despite having been so disappointed-y earlier. I made plans to go to Maria's for dinner and grill, walked in the park and at sometime in the afternoon a certain surprising, enterprising and very dear woman surprised me by calling to tell me that she was coming to visit after all! The trip was monumental in that it required a 5 hour drive each way, it took place *immediately* following her last final exam in a grueling week of final exams *and* she was only able to stay for 24 hours. Needless to say, I was surprised and delighted (and very thrilled) that she was able to come and it totally totally made my day. Kelly arrived around 6:30pm and then we went over to Maria's. Maria let me grill on her Webber grill (!). We had fresh caught Alaskan king salmon with a lemon, dill and brown sugar glaze, grilled red and yellow peppers, salad and maria made a citrus-berry mousse. I made some sugar and apple brandy coated strawberries for the top of a store-bought cheese cake (which I forsook for Maria's amazing dessert). We used the strawberries on top of the mousse. It was fantastic! The rest of the 24 hours was also fantastic and very memorable, but the only thing that I recall about that is blog-able is a walk through the flower-heavy and fragrant lilac blossoms in the park. The lilacs were amazing this year - full and heavy and all blooming at once. The park is amazing when the lilacs are in bloom and it feels like the sort of place one might come across a silver unicorn named Indigo nibbling lilacs under the moon.
Also. I spent a lot of this month contemplating school. I have decided to apply to midwifery school. It is a shot to do the kind of care I want, and it is an option I feel I need to give myself. I am not sure yet what I will decide, but life is short and I want to provide health care for women and while I am here walking in my own skin, I think that maybe, maybe I deserve to reach toward something I really want.
I have more to update about this month... and I shall (I swear it!). For now, though, time is running thin and I must run.
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